The last two weeks haven't been the greatest. I honestly haven't had the energy to do this. And making this change takes energy. I have to stop each time I'm about to eat and check, whats in it, can I eat it, what would be a better alternative. Its no longer just grab something and eat it. I know that eventually it will be that way again because I will know what I should and should not eat. Ive let myself down. I find it amazing how good I was feeling, my clothes were fitting better and I had so much energy. Today I put on a pair of pants that were so comfortable last week and today they are just a little too tight. We are at the end of our rope financially, but today we put things into motion that will hopefully end that. I'm hoping that without the money stress Michael and I can start to heal our relationship. We are so stressed with everything and our biggest worry is will we lose our house. Luckily we were able to find a fix so with the stress level going way down maybe we can address some of the other things that are problems in our marriage.
So back to my makeover, back to putting my energy into making this change. Back to seeing Dr. Os and Dr. Patti, I'm looking forward to it, I miss seeing them each week. Ive got my recipes and shopping list for next week and I'm ready to go.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Painful Lesson Learned
Last Wednesday I started everything sugar free. It was hard and my mood swings started to get pretty awful. There is sugar in everything, everything, everything... It was overwhelming to start the process but I read through the meal plans I was given and dove in. I made the trips to the grocery store and got all the stuff. Even the kids were talking about healthy food. (But they obviously didn't get it when Kaitlin brought me a box of gummies and said "these are healthy" and dropped them into the cart). Gotta love her, shes always trying to get something by me. So for 4 days I ate well, no sugar, lots of veggies etc. Then I had a craptastic Friday and Saturday and something in me snapped.
Ive always known that I am an emotional eater. When things are shitty (sorry about the language Dr Patti!) i tend to head for the refrigerator and look for something creamy and sweet to eat. This hasn't changed. By Saturday night I had eaten 6 mini brownies and had 2 cokes. I had no willpower! I was just expecting to feel the same satisfaction that I used to feel when I would eat that way when things were bad. But the thing is it never came. I just felt guilty and yucky, and disappointed in myself. I had gone 1 month without having soda and in the blink of an eye I had consumed 2 and basically wasted all of my efforts from the past month.
By Sunday morning I felt even worse. Mentally I was the same, just disappointed but physically I was sick. My stomach hurt, i couldn't stay out of the bathroom and I was so bloated. Who knew that even after just a couple of days of getting this stuff out of my system putting it back in would be so painful? Lesson learned!!! Painful lesson learned. But a good lesson learned. I need to find a different outlet for my emotional eating. Not sure what that is yet, but at least I'm aware of it.
By Monday I was back on track but it took until Tuesday night for me to finally feel better. I find it amazing how the body works....I've been eating sugar all my life but with just 4 days without it my body was already feeling more healthy.
I know this road is long and hard and there will be times when I will make a wrong decision. But the lessons learned will only help me get stronger.
Ive always known that I am an emotional eater. When things are shitty (sorry about the language Dr Patti!) i tend to head for the refrigerator and look for something creamy and sweet to eat. This hasn't changed. By Saturday night I had eaten 6 mini brownies and had 2 cokes. I had no willpower! I was just expecting to feel the same satisfaction that I used to feel when I would eat that way when things were bad. But the thing is it never came. I just felt guilty and yucky, and disappointed in myself. I had gone 1 month without having soda and in the blink of an eye I had consumed 2 and basically wasted all of my efforts from the past month.
By Sunday morning I felt even worse. Mentally I was the same, just disappointed but physically I was sick. My stomach hurt, i couldn't stay out of the bathroom and I was so bloated. Who knew that even after just a couple of days of getting this stuff out of my system putting it back in would be so painful? Lesson learned!!! Painful lesson learned. But a good lesson learned. I need to find a different outlet for my emotional eating. Not sure what that is yet, but at least I'm aware of it.
By Monday I was back on track but it took until Tuesday night for me to finally feel better. I find it amazing how the body works....I've been eating sugar all my life but with just 4 days without it my body was already feeling more healthy.
I know this road is long and hard and there will be times when I will make a wrong decision. But the lessons learned will only help me get stronger.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Motivation Needed
Do you ever just feel like everything is coming down around you and you don't know what to do? Or how you will ever get through it all? While I'm working on making these changes for my health, other areas of my life are crashing down around me and I seriously feel like I'm drowning. And being overwhelmed with the other stuff has caused me to lose some of my motivation for my healthy changes. There is only so much of me to go around and I feel helpless because of it. After getting laid off last year I sank into a "funk" of sorts. Just feeling hopeless and as my unemployment dragged on it got worse. All in all I was without a job for a little over a year and mentally and financially it took its toll on me and my family. We struggled to pay the kids tuition, we struggled to buy the groceries, we struggled to pay our mortgage and we fell behind on a lot of these things. Now I am back to work, but we still struggle daily. When does it end? When do we catch up? I am so completely tired of worrying about our finances. Will we lose our house? Do we need to pull the kids out of preschool? We just got paid last week, how can we already be overdrawn? And we don't get paid until next Friday. Its a losing battle and I am losing the motivation to keep trying and fighting. Why can't I get it together? Too bad I can just come across some cash somewhere, you know like in the movies....nothing like real life. Now I need to figure out how to come up with $2k this week. God, I feel like a loser.
So with all of that going on in my head I'm finding it hard to wrap myself around anything else. But I know that I need to work on the healthy lifestyle. This week the plan is go to sugar free. We eat way too much sugar everyday. And not just in candy and sweets, we eat a lot of processed sugar in our food. The thought is very overwhelming though, how do you cut it all out? My doctors are both great leaders for me and they have helped me out so much with meal plans and the things I need to succeed in this endeavour. I just need to remember that I can do it.
Sorry about the money rant in the first paragraph, but it consumes 99% of my thoughts and it effects my motivation for a lot of other things.
Milestone: 1 month without soda, so far its good, although I do still crave it from time to time.
So with all of that going on in my head I'm finding it hard to wrap myself around anything else. But I know that I need to work on the healthy lifestyle. This week the plan is go to sugar free. We eat way too much sugar everyday. And not just in candy and sweets, we eat a lot of processed sugar in our food. The thought is very overwhelming though, how do you cut it all out? My doctors are both great leaders for me and they have helped me out so much with meal plans and the things I need to succeed in this endeavour. I just need to remember that I can do it.
Sorry about the money rant in the first paragraph, but it consumes 99% of my thoughts and it effects my motivation for a lot of other things.
Milestone: 1 month without soda, so far its good, although I do still crave it from time to time.
Friday, August 27, 2010
My "other" clothes
There used to be a big stack of clothes in the back of my closet that I wanted to wear again. The countless times I tried to diet I thought I could get back into them. Sadly, that has never happened. Eventually the clothes made their way into a box and into our attic and they are still there. I think most of them are pants all size 10, nowhere near my current size. But my motivation to fit back into them is strong. Right now I have 6 pairs of pants that fit me and I rotate them every week. I'm sure the people here at work are getting to know my routine, black pants on Monday, blue pants on Tuesday, etc etc. I cannot wait for the day when I can open my closet and have at least 20 pairs to chose from. And shirts and skirts and dresses. I used to enjoy wearing summer dresses but haven't worn one in years. I will next summer though. I'm done spending money on clothes that are in my current size. Ill keep rotating the same pants until I drop sizes and when I do, I'm burning these. I never want to look at them again...they only remind of me of the sad and uncomfortable person I have become.
And an update: I haven't had soda in 2 weeks! I'm so proud of myself! Time to make a couple more changes.
And an update: I haven't had soda in 2 weeks! I'm so proud of myself! Time to make a couple more changes.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Happy 90th Birthday to.....
ME! It may sound funny, but today I had a metabolic workup and body composition workup and it turns out my metabolic age is 90....no wonder I feel like shit most of the time. 90 is old....my grandpa was 90 when he died, my grandma was 92. And the last time I checked 90 is not the new 37! What is metabolic age? Well according to www.wiseGEEK.com "Metabolic age is a reflection of physical health in the form of a calculation based on the base metabolic rate (BMR). If someone's metabolic age is lower than his or her actual age, it suggests that the body is in good health, while a metabolicage higher than the actual age indicates that someone may be experiencing health problems." In a nutshell I'm totally unhealthy. But it scared me. Does this mean I could die soon? Seeing that number definitely had an impact on me. Here are a couple of other numbers that freaked me out... My weight today was 270.8 lbs (Gulp, my average weight should be somewhere around 140 at the high end) my BMI is 45 (double Gulp, my BMI should be 25). And apparently I'm really dehydrated, they body should be 70% water while mine is only 33%.... I've got a lot of drinking to do. There were a lot of other scary numbers but these were by far the ones that had the biggest impact on me.
My next step is to sit down with doc and set some real goals. Set my sights on something that I am working to achieve...not just trying to lose 130 lbs. When i look at it that way it seems so unattainable and would make anyone want to quit. Setting smaller realistic goals for me is the way I work best. Any little milestone is a huge shot in the arm, ill be thrilled to make it 1 week without soda, ill be thrilled to lose the first 10 lbs, ill be thrilled to drop one size in my clothes. Day by day I'm doing this, and each day in itself is a struggle. Each day new challenges come up that I need to conquer and I am proud of myself at the end of each day, I can sit back and say I did my best today.
My next step is to sit down with doc and set some real goals. Set my sights on something that I am working to achieve...not just trying to lose 130 lbs. When i look at it that way it seems so unattainable and would make anyone want to quit. Setting smaller realistic goals for me is the way I work best. Any little milestone is a huge shot in the arm, ill be thrilled to make it 1 week without soda, ill be thrilled to lose the first 10 lbs, ill be thrilled to drop one size in my clothes. Day by day I'm doing this, and each day in itself is a struggle. Each day new challenges come up that I need to conquer and I am proud of myself at the end of each day, I can sit back and say I did my best today.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Week 1
This first week was good. I was way more aware of what I was eating and cooking for my family. All in all I lost 4 lbs. Off to a good start. Its Saturday and I haven't had a soda since the day I said I quit drinking them, that is getting a little easier, but today I craved one while I was cleaning the house.
I don't really have much else to say, just wanted to check in and give an update. I received some info the other night that has occupied my mind, haven't thought about much else. But more on that at a later date.
I don't really have much else to say, just wanted to check in and give an update. I received some info the other night that has occupied my mind, haven't thought about much else. But more on that at a later date.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
It's so easy.....It's so HARD!
Healthy eating is a lifestyle. It's a huge change that you need to make and stick with it. Ive found that when I start a diet losing the first 5 to 10 lbs is easy. I stop eating the crap food and the weight starts to fall off. Its after those few first weeks that it gets hard, really really hard. I have failed at numerous diets and weight loss programs, going gung-ho in the beginning, losing the first weight and then slowly slipping back into my old habits. I never permanently changed the lifestyle.
Changing in that way is a hard thing to do. Until recently I was comfortable in the habits I had, with two kids under the age of 4 my day is a blur. Get up, get the kids dressed, get myself dressed, somewhere in there try to have breakfast. (I never succeeded at the breakfast part. I always cook something for the kids but I use the time that they are eating to shower or dry my hair or get dressed. What I should be doing is getting up earlier than the kids and getting ready then.) Next we climb into the car and do the drop off at preschool and on my way to work, more times than not stopping at Starbucks on the way, grabbing a coffee and something to eat. At work its busy and at lunchtime I run to the cafeteria at work and get something......usually a salad but even I know that with the dressing and cheese and croutons its not all that healthy and then I eat at my desk. I also have a large coke from the fountain, there is nothing like ice cold coke from a fountain...its so cool and sweet. I get the afternoon munchies and find something in the vending machine. Then home, cook dinner, bathe the kids, do the dishes. We put the kids to bed and fall into our spots on the couch when its finally quiet. Only to wake up and do it all again. Its a rut that I'm stuck in.
Reading back that paragraph above there are plenty of things that I can change right there:
Ive heard that if you do something consistently for 30 days it becomes a habit. I hope in 30 days I'm still not drinking soda and I also hope I'm not missing it.
Its baby steps that I need to take in order to make the huge change that is coming.
Changing in that way is a hard thing to do. Until recently I was comfortable in the habits I had, with two kids under the age of 4 my day is a blur. Get up, get the kids dressed, get myself dressed, somewhere in there try to have breakfast. (I never succeeded at the breakfast part. I always cook something for the kids but I use the time that they are eating to shower or dry my hair or get dressed. What I should be doing is getting up earlier than the kids and getting ready then.) Next we climb into the car and do the drop off at preschool and on my way to work, more times than not stopping at Starbucks on the way, grabbing a coffee and something to eat. At work its busy and at lunchtime I run to the cafeteria at work and get something......usually a salad but even I know that with the dressing and cheese and croutons its not all that healthy and then I eat at my desk. I also have a large coke from the fountain, there is nothing like ice cold coke from a fountain...its so cool and sweet. I get the afternoon munchies and find something in the vending machine. Then home, cook dinner, bathe the kids, do the dishes. We put the kids to bed and fall into our spots on the couch when its finally quiet. Only to wake up and do it all again. Its a rut that I'm stuck in.
Reading back that paragraph above there are plenty of things that I can change right there:
- get up earlier
- have breakfast
- skip Starbucks
- make healthier choices at lunch
- don't eat at my desk
- walk at lunch (my company has beautiful grounds, a nice walk would be enjoyable)
- have a piece of fruit in the afternoon
- stop drinking coke
Ive heard that if you do something consistently for 30 days it becomes a habit. I hope in 30 days I'm still not drinking soda and I also hope I'm not missing it.
Its baby steps that I need to take in order to make the huge change that is coming.
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