through the looking glass

Have you ever walked by a store window and instead of looking in looked away?  Or looked in but only saw your reflection and not the things inside the store?  I have to admit I do both of these.  I try not to look and when I do what I see makes me sad.  I have become someone who I don't recognize at all.  In the last 7 years I have gotten married, had 2 kids and gained 70 lbs!  70??  yeah 70.... and none of it is baby weight.  I was lucky, with my son I only gained 16 lbs and after having him I lost almost 40.  With my daughter I only gained 6lbs and after having her lost somewhere around 30 lbs.  Pregnancy for me was a great diet.  


In my early 20's (I'm 37 now...ugh when did I get to be 37??) I was fit and healthy and active.  A single girl out of college enjoying life.  I had some boyfriends along the way, and a couple that I thought were "the ones".   I went out with girlfriends and traveled with work.  I just had fun the way all 20 somethings should.  My weight had always been a "thing" for me.  I yo-yo'ed in high school and in college, but I was always healthy, eating right and working out.  I was a competitive swimmer from the age of 6, played basketball and volleyball in school and was a cheerleader.  I was never thin, normally I wore a size 10 or 12, but I liked who I was and was confident in my own body.


Now, I hate who I am.  I'm uncomfortable in my body and am more comfortable staying out of social situations.  I hate seeing people I know who haven't seen me in a long time, I'm embarrassed by the way I look now.  


So today is the first day of my journey, the journey back to me.  Somethings won't change, I will still be a wife and a mother and I would never give those things up, but the "me" inside me is gone.  I recently teamed up with my awesome chiropractor and we are working towards a more healthy way of life for me and my family.  An "extreme makeover" of sorts.... and the posts here will follow me through this time in my life.


I need to find a way to look through the reflection, through the glass and into the beauty that is inside.